2025-接纳自己-A moment that changed me: I went to a death cafe – and learned how to live a much happi…

A moment that changed me: I went to a death cafe – and learned how to live a much happier life.**
改变我的一刻：我去了“死亡咖啡馆”——学会了如何过上更快乐的生活**

‘Are you afraid of dying, or are you afraid of not living?” Last year, I was sitting in a circle of strangers – half Buddhist monks, half morbidly curious members of the public – when someone asked one of the most profound questions I had ever heard. I was at a “death cafe”, at my local Buddhist centre in south London. A plate of biscuits was passed around while people nursed mugs of hot tea. At 29, I was one of the youngest attending the informal chat about death and dying, which was part of an initiative to encourage more open conversations about the ends of our lives.
“你是害怕死亡，还是害怕没有真正活过？”去年，我坐在一群陌生人中间——一半是佛教僧侣，一半是出于病态好奇的普通人——有人提出了我听过最深刻的问题之一。我当时在伦敦南部的本地佛教中心，参加一个叫做“死亡咖啡馆”的活动。一盘饼干在大家之间传递，众人手里都捧着热茶。那时我29岁，是这个关于死亡和临终的非正式讨论中最年轻的参与者之一，这个活动旨在鼓励人们更开放地谈论人生终点。

During the session, people reflected on the lives of those they had lost. Stories were shared about the joyful moments they had had together. A woman asked me why I would want to come to something like this, at my age. I looked around before revealing more than I had ever told my own friends and family.
在这个过程中，人们回忆他们所失去的亲人，分享曾经共同拥有的快乐时光。一位女士问我，为什么在我这个年纪会来参加这样的活动。我环顾四周，然后说出了连朋友和家人都不知道的心事。

I began to talk about how, for a long time, I had considered suicide. Throughout my late teens and early 20s, I was stifled by my thoughts and anxieties, and often felt misunderstood.
我开始谈起，自己曾长时间考虑过紫砂。在我十几岁末到二十出头的那些年，思绪和焦虑常常将我压得喘不过气来，我常常觉得没有人理解我。

After receiving professional help (and an autism diagnosis), I became plagued with guilt and shame that I hadn’t embraced how precious life actually was. I felt regretful for wasting what some people call the best years of their life. I decided to say yes to every opportunity in a bid to catch up on everything I had missed. I took on endless creative projects, went on holidays, wrote books and scripts, made films, and hosted dinner parties.
在接受专业帮助（并确诊为自闭症）后，我被强烈的愧疚和羞耻感困扰——因为我没有好好珍惜生命的宝贵。我对虚度了许多人称为“人生最美好时光”的那段岁月感到懊悔。于是我决定对每一个机会都说“是”，试图弥补我错过的一切。我接连不断地投入创作项目，去旅行，写书写剧本，拍电影，办晚宴。

I’d gone to the death cafe after seeing a poster advertising the meetings. That day, I shared how I’d often fixated on milestones as a way to measure my success, and how I would compare myself with others and feel like a failure. We laughed as we acknowledged how these milestones, like university degrees or property ownership, were never used as a way to describe people who had died.
我是在看到一张广告传单后决定去“死亡咖啡馆”的。那天，我分享了自己如何常常执着于人生的“里程碑”来衡量自己的成功，比如总是拿自己和别人比较，进而感到自己失败。我们笑着意识到，这些所谓的里程碑，比如大学学位或房产，从来不是用来描述逝去之人的方式。

I realised that my newfound zest for life also had its downsides: I felt burnt out, and I hadn’t given myself enough time to savour moments before moving on to something else. After a career in acting, I had become a published journalist almost overnight, but instead of celebrating my new commissions, I gauged my success as a writer by counting how many articles I had written. Similarly, I had acted in multiple major TV productions, but panicked when I didn’t have the next one lined up. I’d spend eight hours making the perfect cake for a friend’s birthday but then be exhausted for the event itself.
我意识到，对生活焕发出的热情也有它的副作用：我感到筋疲力尽，从未真正有时间去细细品味一个时刻就急着进入下一个。演艺事业后，我几乎是一夜之间成为了一名出版记者，但我并没有庆祝这些新任务，而是通过计算自己写了多少篇文章来评判自己的写作成就。同样，我曾参与多部主流电视剧的拍摄，但只要没有新的演出安排 就会 陷入恐慌。我会花八个小时为朋友生日做一款完美的蛋糕，却在生日聚会当天累得提不起精神。

“The journey is the best bit,” smiled one of the older strangers in the room. “The fun is not knowing what might happen.” I realised that my fear of not living meant my ego was fuelling my choices. My desire to be successful came from my insecurities about feeling like a failure to others. So I needed to focus on how things made me feel, not just how great they looked or sounded to strangers. My shame over my mental health had made me defensive, as if I owed everyone an explanation as to why I made certain choices. But at the death cafe, I realised that I could thrive in imperfection.
“过程才是最美的部分。”一位年长的陌生人微笑着说。“未知才有趣。”我意识到，我害怕没有好好生活，其实是我的自我在驱使我的选择。我渴望成功，是因为我害怕被别人视为失败者。所以，我必须更关注事物本身给我的感受，而不是它们在外人眼中看起来多么出色。过去，我因自己的心理健康问题而感到羞愧，总觉得需要向每个人解释自己的决定。但在“死亡咖啡馆”，我意识到自己可以在不完美中茁壮成长。

I’ve become a much more patient person, and try to be more present when spending time with people
我变得更加有耐心，也努力在与人相处时做到真正的“在场”。

During that evening I met people who were ill, people who believed in reincarnation, parents who had lost children, and a woman who cared for the dying. While many of the questions we had about death were answered, we had to accept that not all of them could be. Before we left, we hugged.
那天晚上，我遇见了身患重病的人、相信轮回的人、失去孩子的父母，还有一位照顾临终者的女士。我们心中关于死亡的许多疑问得到了回应，也必须接受不是所有问题都有答案。临走前，我们彼此拥抱。

I felt a sense of peace flood over me as I realised that I no longer needed to seek validation from others. Instead, I chose to accept myself and embrace my past. Rather than believing that saying yes to everything is the best way to live life to the fullest, I’ve become more open about communicating my boundaries. I’ve become a much more patient person, too, and try to be more present when spending time with people. While this shift away from pleasing people means I’ve lost some friends, I’ve also gained a stronger bond with others.
当我意识到自己不再需要他人的认同时，一种宁静感涌上心头。我选择接纳自己，也拥抱过往。我不再认为对一切说“是”就是活得充实的方式，现在我更愿意坦然表达自己的界限。我变得更加耐心，也更加专注于当下与人的相处。虽然这种从“取悦他人”转变的过程中我失去了一些朋友，但也因此与另外一些人建立了更深厚的联系。

Since my first visit, I have continued to return to death cafes all over London, meeting new people and having new conversations about death over tea and cake. In truth, I feel more alive than ever for doing so.
自从第一次参加之后，我不断回到伦敦各地的“死亡咖啡馆”，与陌生人一起在茶与蛋糕之间谈论死亡。说实话，我从未像现在这样感受到如此强烈的“活着”。

• Elizabeth McCafferty is a journalist who writes regularly for the Guardian
• 伊丽莎白·麦卡弗蒂是一位常为《卫报》撰稿的记者。

In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email [email protected] or [email protected].

In the US, you can call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline on 988, chat on 988lifeline.org, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counsellor.

In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14.

Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org
• 英国和爱尔兰：可拨打免费电话116 123联系Samaritans，或发送邮件至[email protected]（英国）或[email protected]（爱尔兰）。
• 美国：可拨打或短信联系全国紫砂防治热线988，或访问988lifeline.org在线聊天，也可发送短信“HOME”至741741与危机辅导员联系。

📘 一、难点词汇（含义简明注解）
单词/短语 中文释义 备注
morbidly curious 病态好奇的 对死亡、疾病等有不寻常兴趣
profound 深刻的，深奥的 形容问题或思想
stifled 被压抑的 通常指情绪或表达
plagued with 被……折磨 常用于负面情绪或状况
guilt and shame 内疚与羞耻 心理负担常见搭配
embrace (life) 拥抱（生活） 积极接纳的意思
burnt out 精疲力竭的 常用于工作或生活状态
milestones 重要节点，里程碑 常指人生关键事件
gauge 衡量，评估 常用于抽象概念，如“成功”
fuel (choices) 驱动（选择） 比喻表达，指内在动因
validation 认同，认可 通常指来自他人的认可
boundaries 界限 常指情感或心理界限
thrive 茁壮成长，繁荣发展 积极向上的词汇

📗 二、地道英语词组/表达
英语表达 中文释义 用法/语境说明
death cafe 死亡咖啡馆 一种非正式聚会，讨论死亡话题
nurse mugs of tea 捧着茶杯慢慢喝 形象化地表达轻松、沉思的氛围
fixated on (milestones) 过于关注（里程碑） 表示执念
feel like a failure 感到自己是个失败者 常用于情绪表达
catch up on (everything missed) 赶上（错过的事情） 表示想补偿过往
overnight success 一夜成名/迅速成功 常用于事业
be lined up 安排妥当、预定好 通常用于工作或活动
be exhausted for the event 活动当天精疲力尽 指事前准备过度
the journey is the best bit 过程才是最精彩的部分 富有哲理的常用表达
seek validation 寻求认同 心理和人际关系中常用
communicate boundaries 表达界限 情绪健康、关系中的关键能力
be more present 更加“在场”/专注于当下 mindfulness的核心概念
feel more alive than ever 感到前所未有的“活着” 强烈的正向感受表达

“nurse mugs of tea” 是一个非常地道的英语表达，它的核心意思是：

慢慢地喝茶，捧着茶杯不动地喝，通常带有一种沉思或安慰自己的意味。

📘 例句：
He sat alone by the window, nursing a mug of tea as the rain fell outside.
他独自坐在窗边，捧着一杯茶慢慢喝着，窗外下着雨。

They nursed their mugs of tea while talking about life and death.
他们边慢慢地喝着茶，边谈论生与死。

🎯 含义背后的情感色彩：
这个表达常用于描述一种温柔、沉静、甚至带有哀愁或思索的场景，与“gulp”（大口喝）、“chug”（猛灌）完全不同。用“nurse”能体现出：

人很安静，思考中或情绪中

时间在慢慢流逝

情绪可能复杂，比如伤感、舒缓、或冥想

“newfound zest for life” 是一个常见且富有表现力的英语短语，整体意思是“新近（重新）获得的对生活的热情与激情”。

📘 例句
After recovering from her illness, she discovered a newfound zest for life, waking up each morning excited for the day ahead.
病愈后，她重新燃起对生活的热情，每天早晨醒来都对新的一天充满期待。

Travelling solo around the world gave him a newfound zest for life and a deeper appreciation for different cultures.
独自环游世界让他重新感受到了生活的激情，也更加欣赏多元文化。

Volunteering at the animal shelter brought her a newfound zest for life; she’d never felt so fulfilled.
在动物收容所做志愿者让她重新焕发了对生活的热情；她从未感到如此充实。